toil et travel

(heh. nice little play on mots, eh? get it? "toil et"? and, travel instead of travail??? Ok ok it's not elegant... but it will work. hahah i did it again. work??? travail??? toil??? get it get it get it? SHADDDUP!)

Well, I think it is fair to tell you that I forgot that life outside of cancer largely consists of thankless toil, bad meals, and exhausting travel (meaning my 4 hour per day commute). Mostly thankless toil.

I do not know how the majority of people in the western world handle the 9-5 office job, I certainly never did it before I became the world's most reluctant middle aged lawyer, and I certainly did not give the prospect of a life lived on a 9-5 schedule its due weight in my somewhat whimsical decision to enter law skool. Had I done so, I'd have run screaming in the opposite direction, and perhaps entered the Joe Smith school of hotel/motel night management, bartending, and grave digging.

The odd thing is that people consider this NORMAL. perhaps I lived in an ivory tower (or, more likely under a rock) for my entire life, but in no way is it NORMAL to get up 2 hours before the freakin sun comes up, travel to a large building, sit on your ass all day fretting over other people's legal problems, only to then depart 2 hours after the freakin sun sets, travel home, too tired to make a decent dinner, fall into bed for a fitful few hours only to get up and do the EXACT SAME THING for four more days until you can have the unmitigated luxury of sleeping at least til the sun comes up.

People must either love what they do, have an infinite capacity to live for the weekend, or, more likely, are trapped into wage slavery early and have no other choice.

I always had choices, because I was childless, and free and clear of any dependancies. I had only myself and my cats to look after. I habitually changed jobs and apartments as easily as underwear (and, in the case of at least one favorite bra, probably more often....bwhahahahah).

Not that I was carefree by any stretch, but, damn I never thought I'd be a 9-5er. In fact I used to know I couldn't do it. I don't know how i forgot that. I think I just wanted to go to school. And law school seemed as good as any, in fact better, because it only took 3 years, and was supposed to be a big deal. And, although it sucked, i didn't mind it because the hours were good...! I never really had to get up super early, and I always had a lot of time off. Of course, I could have worked a lot harder.... but i did enough. And I always had time for movies and gym and run time and much needed downtime, except twice a year when exams would roll round. Then, i was freaked for about 10 days and it was over, and there'd be a vacation where I got lots of sympathy for doing something so damned awesome as law skool and I'd be all "oh it's so HAAAAARRRRRDDDDD" bwahahaha.

but not anymore. I don't get no kudos. I don't get no downtime. I don't look like I'm doing anything heroic. not even apres cancer. boy did I make a silly choice....

Anyway. I guess you may be able to tell from this post that I don't really have anything cancer related to complain about. herceptin seems like a walk in the park compared to chemo. Let's keep it that way.

and, once i'm past all this....i'll be damned if I won't figure out a way to get out of the 9-5 thing and back to slack...