The unbelievable lackness of blogging
I don't know why i have nothing good to say to you all. Certainly you deserve more than i'm giving lately, and i cannot blame you for losing faith in cancer grrl's indomnitable spirit and rapier like wit. I know I know. A whiny, bad pun-ridden, dispiriting rant about work, complaints about aches and pains, some bad pictures and, horror of horrors, the massive, mean-spirited, unamerican all out dis of a holiday that i'm sure you all hold near and dear to your hearts has begun to open your eyes to the jaundiced ne'er do well that cancer grrl/bloggrilla really is. Ah me.
It's almost as if, along with chemo, I was injected with a jolly drug. In truth, i think there are 2 kinds of chemo recipients, those who milk the chemo for all they're worth and make sure everyone knows they are suffering mightily, and those who, suddenly, and uncharacteristically, turn into pollyanna for the duration.
Lose my hair?? No problem, never liked it anyway...I LOVE my wig!!!
Tired? No problem there, I really had too much energy before. I'm so much calmer now!
Nauseated? O well I really needed to drop a few pounds anyway! Hey I look great!
and on and on. You get the picture. The real person goes away for a while and is replaced by bright and shiny CHEMO GRRRL.
In a way, I think we all need the opportunity to play "brave sufferer putting on a good face to the world" for a while. I'm not being at all facetious. It's a rewarding role to play. The only trouble is that you may actually have to suffer to do it right. I don't recommend cancer as an avenue to realizing your own personal "brave sufferer" persona, however here are some things that you can do to reap the kind of rewards that the lucky few of us reap from chemo:
1. fast for a week or so. Believe me, you'll suffer. What's more, your suffering will be doing some good, because you won't be contributing to any shortages, and you won't be throwing any money at BIG FOOD (which is as bad as big oil). PLUS you'll be thin...and the world LOVES a thin sufferer...
2. Do an iron man triathlon without proper training. (disclaimer: the writer of this blog is NOT liable for any injuries, illness, sickness, soreness, lameness, crippledness, death, or misery you may suffer from doing this. Didn't anyone tell you not to do everything the internet tells you to do?) You'll suffer. And maybe, if you bet people you can do it, maybe you'll make money. More likely you won't. But maybe you can RAISE money for a good cause. That'd also be good.
3. Send me all your money. You'll suffer, and, you will have helped a cancer patient realize her life's dream...to have your money. Think of the prestige! In fact, I will install paypal on this site so that I can help you attain your goals. perhaps i will even put in one of those little thermometers to inspire you.
4. Give away a tenth of your income to an animal rights group. You won't even suffer that much, and, i've got news for you, back in the days when christians actually believed in doing good, they always gave away a tenth of their income. Tithing y'know? And, we owe animals for the years of abuse we have heaped on them. The suffering part? hmmm. Guess that HDTV will have to wait til next year.
5. Ram your hand or foot into the closest SUV (but wait til it's parked). wear gloves, and break something (in the SUV, not on you). You'll suffer, but you'll be doing good. (see disclaimer above and add the following language: "the writer of this blog is likewise not responsible for jail time, damages verdicts, judgments, orders, sentences and community service time"). Then, wear your bandaged limb prominently to the next greenpeace rally and be sure to let all of the comely young greenpeacers (of whatever gender floats your particular boat canoe or what have you) know how you injured yourself, and get ready for the lovin.
OK i cannot think of any more creative ways to suffer, and still be around, not too scathed, to reap the rewards and the kudos.
I especially like #3, but, well, i'm generous like that.
(PS: CONGRATS! to all the NYC bar passers out there. ain't you glad it's ovah? now you have to work tho...see below posts on THAT...)
It's almost as if, along with chemo, I was injected with a jolly drug. In truth, i think there are 2 kinds of chemo recipients, those who milk the chemo for all they're worth and make sure everyone knows they are suffering mightily, and those who, suddenly, and uncharacteristically, turn into pollyanna for the duration.
Lose my hair?? No problem, never liked it anyway...I LOVE my wig!!!
Tired? No problem there, I really had too much energy before. I'm so much calmer now!
Nauseated? O well I really needed to drop a few pounds anyway! Hey I look great!
and on and on. You get the picture. The real person goes away for a while and is replaced by bright and shiny CHEMO GRRRL.
In a way, I think we all need the opportunity to play "brave sufferer putting on a good face to the world" for a while. I'm not being at all facetious. It's a rewarding role to play. The only trouble is that you may actually have to suffer to do it right. I don't recommend cancer as an avenue to realizing your own personal "brave sufferer" persona, however here are some things that you can do to reap the kind of rewards that the lucky few of us reap from chemo:
1. fast for a week or so. Believe me, you'll suffer. What's more, your suffering will be doing some good, because you won't be contributing to any shortages, and you won't be throwing any money at BIG FOOD (which is as bad as big oil). PLUS you'll be thin...and the world LOVES a thin sufferer...
2. Do an iron man triathlon without proper training. (disclaimer: the writer of this blog is NOT liable for any injuries, illness, sickness, soreness, lameness, crippledness, death, or misery you may suffer from doing this. Didn't anyone tell you not to do everything the internet tells you to do?) You'll suffer. And maybe, if you bet people you can do it, maybe you'll make money. More likely you won't. But maybe you can RAISE money for a good cause. That'd also be good.
3. Send me all your money. You'll suffer, and, you will have helped a cancer patient realize her life's dream...to have your money. Think of the prestige! In fact, I will install paypal on this site so that I can help you attain your goals. perhaps i will even put in one of those little thermometers to inspire you.
4. Give away a tenth of your income to an animal rights group. You won't even suffer that much, and, i've got news for you, back in the days when christians actually believed in doing good, they always gave away a tenth of their income. Tithing y'know? And, we owe animals for the years of abuse we have heaped on them. The suffering part? hmmm. Guess that HDTV will have to wait til next year.
5. Ram your hand or foot into the closest SUV (but wait til it's parked). wear gloves, and break something (in the SUV, not on you). You'll suffer, but you'll be doing good. (see disclaimer above and add the following language: "the writer of this blog is likewise not responsible for jail time, damages verdicts, judgments, orders, sentences and community service time"). Then, wear your bandaged limb prominently to the next greenpeace rally and be sure to let all of the comely young greenpeacers (of whatever gender floats your particular boat canoe or what have you) know how you injured yourself, and get ready for the lovin.
OK i cannot think of any more creative ways to suffer, and still be around, not too scathed, to reap the rewards and the kudos.
I especially like #3, but, well, i'm generous like that.
(PS: CONGRATS! to all the NYC bar passers out there. ain't you glad it's ovah? now you have to work tho...see below posts on THAT...)
Labels: randomizer
posted by abigail @ 7:55 PM
2 Comments:
At 8:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
Ah yes. You were a veritable ocean of gaity when under the influence of chemo. I do remember well. Nor sprite nor saint nor giggling schoolgirl could match your flighty jocularity. By cracky.
Notice how nobody says "by cracky" anymore? My grandpa used to say it all the time. By cracky.
At 8:40 PM,
abigail said…
your point being?
I think YOU are a good candidate for #3.
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