Scanners

Yesterday was my echocardiogram. It was kinda cool, I got to lie down and watch pictures of my heart doing its thing. Hearts are a bit creepy, I find, off there inside you on their own, just carrying on as if there's a party going on, but there's no music anywhere. Hearts are a little bit mad. Bwahahaha. I've always been kinda bothered by those times at night when you can hear your heart beating...but i guess the alternative is not so happy...

At any rate, during an echo, you can watch (if your tester is nice like mine was) the whole little movie as she moves the ultrasound thing over your chest. AND it's color coded, so you can see the blood flow, and even the velocity of the blood and the muscles. Quite interesting. Then I went in to work, late again.

Today was less interesting and more bothersome. I had the cat scan, which, I was terribly annoyed to find, has nothing at all to do with cats.

I thought it was, like, a 10 minute procedure, so I told my boss I'd be a bit late. HEH. The damned thing took 2 hours. Why? Because you have to drink about a half gallon of white, thick, vaguely sweet tasting murk reminiscent of milk of magnesia (barium sulfate or sulfide? which is actually a salt of sorts... i think). Yummy. And you have to do this over an hour. There was an old Spanish woman sitting across from me whose daughter was trying in vain to get her to drink the stuff and she just flat out refused. "NO ME GUSTA. NO ES SABROSO. NO" or something to that effect. The poor daughter was at her wits end.

Then, they come in and tell you "Ok we are going to inject you with some iodine. This can cause allergic reactions including death, but that is very rare." I'm told that if i feel itchy, or short of breath, I should make some kind of move. It occurs to me that the radiologists or whatever they are are back in their little room joking and eating take out and will not see my feeble wavings... but whatever. I gird my loins.

Or rather, I ungird them, and get on the machine. Another toroid, which slides up and down your body like a very unwanted advance. The toroid has a control center on the top of it, facing you, which shows a round green happy face breathing in, and a round red happy face holding its breath. The idea is that you are to take a breath in when the machine tells you to, and hold it until it tells you to breathe again. The possibilities for malfunction here are mind boggling, but i choose to not dwell on it. (however, it occurs to me that this is an interesting reversal. Usually, man tells machine what to do. NOW machine tells man. See what I'm getting at? never seen the terminator series?...oh well...)

Ok, enuff digression. I ungird and lie down. I am hooked up to an IV and feel, blissfully, nothing. I think, ok, well I can totally handle this iodine. The toroid goes into action and i get to breathe, slide, hold, slide, breathe, slide, hold, slide. I am SO relaxed.

Presently, the tech comes in and says "now i will inject the iodine" OH SHIT. NOW?
ok. The iodine goes in. Flush. Heat. It seems to go right to the genitals. it feels like that adrenaline shot you get when you get badly startled. The urge to void and run... But, I'm breathing. I'm not itchy.

YET.

Then, it is over. I feel suspiciously prickly. Another tech comes in, looks at me and gasps. I have hives all over my neck and face. Oh how nice. They are somewhat concerned. I am placed in the waiting room and given a vat of water to drink to flush out the iodine, and forced to wait until my hives go away.

I finally crawl into work, at an hour i do not even wish to reveal on this blog.

AND Later, I got another several hives. but, I seem to be breathing. Breathe, hold, slide.....

OK Back to Da Nile. I am steadfastly avoiding thinking about the, uh, results of all these tests...

And the Oilers just scored 3 goals in the first period. way to go.